Have I mentioned that I’m sentimental as fuck?

I may tip the scales toward promiscuity, but I’m not a robot. The majority of the time, I still catch some low key, I’d-like-to-see-you-again-sometime level feelings. That was why, the next night, I was hitting up Josh via Facebook to try to get a repeat. Livii was teasing me for being such a sap, but I couldn’t help it. I wanted to hook up with Josh again.

For that reason, we went back to the same bar again the following night. He wasn’t responding to my Facebook messages, so instead of playing it cool, I decided to go into full-on creeper mode and see if he might be hanging around there again. He wasn’t, but the bartender remembered me, and I suddenly noticed just how damn cute he was. We got to talking about the previous night–he’d seen me flirting with “that blondie” and wondered if we’d hooked up, which I confirmed–and he told me Josh hadn’t been around again tonight.

For the sake of privacy, I’m gonna call this ridiculously cute bartender Finn.
He was very skinny with shaggy-short brown hair and was well-dressed. I really liked his definitive cheekbones. After a couple drinks and some chitchat with Finn at the bar, Livii and I told him we were going to see a sex show across the street. This was the first of three times I’d leave the bar that night, assuring him I would be back, though I imagine he doubted it each time.

Across the street, Livii and I bought the cheapest possible tickets to the sex show, which put us in the back row but still included a couple free drinks. First, a woman did a striptease and then pulled a man from the audience up onstage, took off his shirt, and wrote BAD BOY (or something like that, I don’t totally remember) on his chest with a Sharpie she’d inserted into her vagina. Then some people fucked to loud music. Another woman performed a dance, pulling yards upon yards of ribbon out of her snatch, which was honestly impressive. I don’t know how she managed to fit so much up there. All I could think about was how dry it must’ve felt. Lastly, a second couple fucked, and that was the end of the show.

Of course we went back to the bar, because I already had Finn locked in my crosshairs, but there were no seats at the bar so we got a table in the corner. Some random guy approached us and started chatting us up. He seemed really cool, though of course I was a little nervous because, again, I had Finn in my sights and didn’t want to get cockblocked. Livii explained to this guy that I was interested in fully immersing myself in the Red Light District experience, so to speak, but that I was too nervous to approach a woman on my own.

Side note: At this time in my life, I was not aware of the prevalence of human trafficking within the sex industry. I have a deep hope that, because prostitution is legal and well-regulated in Amsterdam, trafficking is minimal to nonexistent. Of course I do not know whether this is the case, and for that reason, I would not make the decision to patronize the industry in the future.

Livii and our new tablemate made up their minds that this was happening. They would make sure I had sex with a Red Light District sex worker. I was very anxious, but I was also pretty much FUBAR, so I agreed that I’d do it with their assistance. Paying the tab, I let Finn know that I was off to hire a prostitute, but that I would be back when I was done. Maybe he believed me this time.

We stepped out into the bustling Red Light District, teeming with people on this Saturday night. I was thankful I’d had so much to drink, otherwise I would’ve been beyond petrified by what was about to happen. We walked a few blocks along the canal, scoping out the lingerie-clad women dancing in red-lit windows. Then I spotted a woman I liked. She was slim and blonde and had cute nerd glasses. I sheepishly told Livii and our new pal that I liked her, and Livii knocked on the door. “Do you take women?” Livii asked, to which she replied yes.

I walked into her room feeling awkward as fuck, and she closed the curtain behind us. I asked how much, and she told me her rate was 100 euro per half hour. I proposed 50 euro for 15 minutes, because I knew this was going to be weird, and she accepted. Her window being on the ground floor, she motioned for me to walk down the few steps to the bed. It was purple leather with paper over it, like you’d see on a doctor’s exam table. She told me to take off my clothes and lie down, which I did, feeling not the least bit sexual in that moment.

I lay down alongside a full-length mirror and she started dildoing me. I barely felt anything, but I honestly didn’t care. I knew this wasn’t going to be pleasurable for me anyway, it was just about the experience. Occasionally she rubbed my clit with her thumb, which was a nice touch, but I was too uncomfortable to enjoy it. I asked her name and where she was from–from Hungary, but I don’t remember her name. She was 29, a year older than me at the time. The rest of our interaction played out as follows.

I asked if I could kiss her. She said no.

I asked if she would take off her top. She did. I touched her tits.

I asked if I could go down on her. She said no.

I asked, hoping that this was just easy money for her, whether she preferred men or women as clients. She said she preferred men because she is not a lesbian.

I said, “Okay, well, I think I’m good. I’m gonna go.”

I left. It was less than 10 minutes.

Livii and our friend were waiting for me directly outside. They bombarded me with questions, and I filled them in as best I could. Honestly, there simply wasn’t much to say. I just wanted to get back to the bar and hang out with Finn.

Finn, I should mention, was the only bartender working that night. Our friend left, and Livii and I got seats at the bar once more. I asked Finn what time he got off work, and he told me 1 AM. It was around midnight, so if I paced myself, I’d be able to stick around after his shift. “Do you wanna–” I paused, flashing a slightly naughty smirk, “hang out once you’re off work?”  Happily, Finn nodded and said yes.

1:00 rolled around and he started closing down the bar. Livii went back to our hostel, knowing that I’d be staying with Finn for awhile. I sat at a table out of the way, hoping nobody would notice that I wasn’t leaving as he locked up. Once he was ready, we started making out by the side of the bar. I suggested we fuck right then and there, but he was nervous because the bar had security cameras. We couldn’t go back to his apartment, but he told me he had another idea, so I agreed to let him lead me wherever.

First, though, I asked to make sure he had a condom. He did not. This threw a wrench in my plan, because I don’t have unprotected one night stands. Back at the hostel, my suitcase was full of condoms, but I’d stupidly forgotten to grab one before I went out. I really, really wanted to fuck Finn, so the only solution was to go back to my hostel, grab a condom, and return to the bar. I told him I’d do this, but I assumed there was no way he’d believe me. I’m sure he was thinking I’d get back, see my cozy bunk bed, and call it a night. Drunkenly power-walking the 15 minutes each way to and from my hostel, I just hoped and hoped so hard that he’d still be there when I came back. Odds were against it, but just maybe.

Condom in hand, I knocked on the locked door of the bar, holding my breath in anticipation. To my amazement, Finn opened it up, gave me a big smile, and motioned for me to come in. We kissed a bit more, and then he led me through a back door into the building’s hallway. We climbed a few flights of stairs, fumbling around down the dark hallways that reeked of cat piss. I asked him where we were going, and he said he had keys to a friend’s place who had been out of town for some time.

Now, any rational person would’ve seen warning signs in following a strange man through some dirty, dark hallways and into an empty apartment that only he had keys to, but I’m not exactly rational when I’m in ho mode. Finn unlocked the apartment, shut the door behind us, and led me down the narrow hallway to the bed. By the dim yellow light of the bedside table, I fellated him briefly and then climbed on top, having removed just enough of both our clothing to make it possible.

I was so wasted I don’t remember the sex very well. I know I rode him for just a couple minutes, and then he started getting softer. Slowing my pace, I checked in to see if everything was going okay. He laughed shyly and, putting his hand over his eyes, reluctantly admitted, “I came already. Sorry.” That melted my heart a bit, and I kissed him all over his face, repeating, “It’s okay, baby,” with every kiss.

I held him for a few moments after that, and the rest of the night is completely blacked out. The next thing I knew, I was waking up at the hostel in my top bunk to the bed rocking back and forth as Livii got fucked on the bunk below me.

We left that afternoon for Berlin. Thus concluded two wild nights in Amsterdam.